Rating: PG-13
Mild language, some implications of shounen-ai (boy X boy) and maybe even some yaoi XD Oh.. would that make this NC-17? XD

Summary: I kinda read a japanese douhjinshi, and it featured Lumiale/Oscar. So, due to my unknowledge of what the heck they said, I tried my luck on a fanfic! XD Also note that this is my first shounen-ai fanfic, so don't be offended when I deeply fail XD
Oh, in case you were wondering: this is from Lumiale's point of view. Duh XD
And also note that this thing isn't accurate at all, because I saw the douhjinsi a few weeks ago, and I don't remember much of it ^^' Almost no talking too... I don't like talking very much ^^
A/N: GAWD the title isn't like the movie of Britney Spears! I HATE her! XD It means that Lumiale has to choose now. I know, I know, a sucky title for a sucky fic. Live with it ^^'

I heard him. He was walking in the forest, like he always would.
It calmed him.
Just as my music could calm him. It made me feel so happy, to know that I could make someone like him content.
Maybe... one day... I could make him content with my feelings.
I didn't know how he felt about me! How could I?
I was too shy to tell him.
Scared what he would think of me.
Scared that my feelings would despise him, would scare him away.
Even though I liked him more than a friend, I cherished his friendship deeply.
As he did my friendship.
I knew that I was the only one that he confided in.
Told me his feelings, his deepest secrets.
About his Angelique...
Of course, hearing this always hurted me.
It sent stings right to my heart with every word he spoke about her.
For it made it almost impossible for him to love me.
But now... this look on his face was unknown to me.
He looked... yes, somehow, he looked determined. His eyes were glanced on only one place.
I looked, trough the bushes, at what he was looking at.
And I saw the Guardian of Light, always so proud, so desperately trying to keep his dignity, sleeping against a tree.
I was shocked. That was not like Julious!
But after all, my eyes could not be fooling me. They were too trained for that.
And Clavis was walking directly towards him, the determination still shining brightly in his eyes.
What I saw next, broke my heart.
My whole world fell apart in mere seconds.
For what I saw, was my love- grabbing a strand of Julious' hair, it curled up in his fingers, and he... my love... kissed it.
After everything I had done for him!
Comfort him when he was feeling sad about his lost love...
the love had been someone else.
Someone unreachable.
Someone... not me.
I desperately tried to fight my tears, my eyes feeling watery already.
They could not hear me.
Not for the world would I want them to know what I had seen.
How I felt about Clavis.
We could... just be friends... right?

When I got home, finally my tears were allowed to come.
Even though I was ashamed of them, I let them fall.
It was necessary... my heart felt it was.
It felt so empty.
I had never felt more alone before in my life.
I had come to the conclusion that Clavis and I- maybe we had not been such good friends at all.
After all, he had never told me about his feelings..
But then again, neither had I.
On one side, I could understand how he felt...
but on the other, I hated him for keeping this a secret to me.
My hand moved over my eyes, not wanting to be seen by anyone crying like this.
They would ask what was the matter.
And that could not be told.

I remember the first time I saw him.
He had already been on the planet for a while, together with Julious.
Then, Luva had joined them.
But nothing was said about the two first Guardians.
Nothing about their relationship, how they acted to each other.
Nobody would tell me, even though I wanted to hear it so much.
Even then, I loved him.
I loved him ever since I had first laid my eyes on him.
In the beginning, he had stared at me strangely when I had walked up to him and told him that I was the new Guardian of Water. He told me that he had thought at first glance that I had been a girl.
Remembering this makes me smile trough my tears.
Indeed, I had looked like a girl when I had been just a child.
But maybe that was for the better...
I had not known how he felt about boys and girls.
Nor had I known about myself.
I found it out when it was too late.
And after it had been too late, it had never been the right time to tell him.
Millions of occasions, but I never used any of them.
And now, I had been punished for it.
He had grown to love someone else.
Or maybe he had loved Julious from the beginning?
Thinking this made me feel slightly better.
That meant that it had not been my fault, not entirely my fault, that he had chosen Julious over me.

Suddenly, my thoughts were disturbed rudely by the sound of the door being slammed open.
It was Oscar.
Of all people, why him?
He always had made me feel uncomfortable around him... with such a womanising behaviour, such superiority always spoke from his voice.
And now, he would see me cry.
I quickly brushed my fists over my eyes, hoping that Oscar would not notice, but he slowly stopped me by placing his fingers around my fists, forcing me to stop rubbing my eyes.
Then, he slowly moved my fingers away from my eyes, allowing me to see his face.
Not the superior smirk I was expecting from Oscar, but... could I be right if I told you that he had a concerned look on his face?
I quickly stood up and turned around, not about to let him see me vulnerable like this.
'What's wrong, Lumiale-sama?' He asked, his voice echoing trough the room, a hint of pity in his voice.
That angered me to no end.
'I don't need your pity, Oscar!'
In my anger, I even forgot to put the -sama behind his name, or did I do that on purpose? If so, it had been unintentionally.

(*** sama means that someone is spoken with in high regard, a sign of mutual respect ^^)

Oscar seemed a bit startled, but quickly regained his composure and walked towards me again.
'Now, there's no reason to be sad, Lumiale-sama. I do not pity you... that least of all.'
Hearing these words made me lose my anger.
What did he mean by that?
'I.. just leave, Oscar-sama.' I spoke more calm now.
'I just want to be alone now.'
Oscar nodded, and much to my surprise, he left without saying something else.
And I returned, on hearing the door close, to my self-pity corner.
On the balcony.

I awoke from my trance- yes, it had turned in a trance- by hearing the bushes around the balcony rustling.
Too much rustle for the wind.. I thought.
Then, Oscar appeared in front of me again, holding a flower- a rose, I saw at first glance- in his hand.
And he was extending it to me.
My heart pounded in my chest.
What was this mockery?
Had he found out the reason of my sadness?
And was he now making fun of me?
After a few seconds, when it became clear to him that I wasn't going to accept his rose, he moved closer to me, grabbed my shoulders...
and kissed me.
I was too shocked to move at first.
Oscar, the womanizer... he was kissing me?
A man?
Then I tasted his kiss, carefully.
This was not some kind of mockery kiss.
Also not a try-out kiss either.
The kiss was passionate, and Oscar- as to be expected from him- didn't hold back.
After a few seconds, which seemed like an eternity to me, I regained my self-control, and my panic faded.
I began trying to struggle out of his tight embrace.
In response, he only held me closer.
And kissed me deeper.I am sad, not ashamed to say, that I was not repulsed by his kiss as much as I would have expected at the idea.
Then, after a few minutes, I was able to struggle out of his grasp.
Or was it maybe because he couldn't get any air, like I couldn't?
When his lips parted from mine, I allowed myself to open my lips and took deep, shivering breaths.
I was a nervous wreck at the time.
I could hear Oscar taking a few deep breaths too, but he quickly regained himself, and tried to hand me the flower again.
I looked up from the flower, traced his arm with my eyes, until I met his eyes.
And I just kept looking at him, still panting a little.
'Well, if you don't want your flower, that's okay too. I just wanted to invite you for a date in the park.'
Oscar's voice was trembling a bit.
Was it because he was nervous?
I was too shocked to say anything, and just kept staring at him.
What did he want from me?
He couldn't love me, he just couldn't.
He liked girls.
He didn't like me.
Maybe when he first laid eyes on you, he thought you were a girl, my mind said to myself.
I quickly disposed of the thought, and shook my head.
Oscar nodded, taking me shaking my head as a no.
Could I be dreaming when I saw disappointment in his eyes?
He slowly walked away, but not before saying his parting words.
'If you change your mind, I'll be waiting in the park for you.'

I didn't know what to do.
How could I? I had been too busy being in love with Clavis!
And now, it turned out that Oscar loved me.
Or.. was he really?
Maybe he was still mocking me?
Knowing Oscar, he was willing to make big sacrifices for a joke.
But... even kissing me?
I didn't know anymore...
My head felt like it was going to burst!
I walked to my bed and lay myself down.
Trying to think straight.
What did I have to lose?
Of course, if it was all a joke, you could expect that every Guardian would be waiting in the bushes for me to show up...
But if it wasn't a joke...
Did I really like Oscar?
Pondering, I fell asleep.
Without realizing it.

I looked at the flowers. Also the place where I had picked the flower that I wanted to give to Lumiale.
It had been so beautiful, so perfect for Lumiale.
The rose was so fragile.
Just like I had found him, crying.
I had been worried about him, and kept wondering what was wrong...
But I just couldn't figure it out.
And then, when he had been angry at me, shouted at me that he didn't want my pity..
that's when he showed his thorns.
I had never seen Lumiale so upset.
And I just wanted to comfort him.
I had loved him ever since the day I had laid my eyes on him.
I had not realized that I loved him...
I always thought I was destined to be with a girl...
Then I fell in love with you. But when I found out that you were a boy, I could not stop loving you. So I teased you.
I had always thought that my feeling were wrong...
that it wasn't supposed to be.
After all, we are supposed to date the Queen Candidates, right?
So... it would be terrible to love another Guardian.
But it didn't feel terrible...
But... now that I had shown him how I felt- I had realized that he didn't feel the same way.
He had looked so shocked... so disgusted that I could ever do such a thing.
Yet... had it been my imagination that he had tried to taste my lips?
Kiss me back?
Now I was sitting in the field of flowers.
Waiting- praying that Lumiale would come.
That he would change his mind.
That he would change his way of thinking.
Of course, I should have known that he wouldn't.
That he would not love me.
I stood up slowly, hoping that he would come running over the hill towards me.
Or no, that was not like Lumiale.
That he would stand behind me, smiling, his gentle eyes sparkling.
I quickly looked around, but found out that I had just been fooling myself.
I sighed deeply, and walked towards my mansion.

I saw that Oscar was standing up from the wet grass.
I cursed myself for having overslept.
But the dream had made everything clear.
I did not care anymore at what everyone would think.
He was looking around, hoping to see me, I take.
I hope.
Because I'm here right now...
So he better not pull a prank on me.
Then, he stood up, and walked towards the direction of the exit.
It was the time.
I knew I had to hurry.
Not caring what other people might think, I ran out of the bushes.
'Oscar-sama!' I yelled, hoping that he would hear me.
I had made my choice.
In slow-motion, I saw that Oscar turned his head towards me.
His hair moving in front of his face.
I stood still, trying to keep my dignity.
I would not run towards him.
Instead, he walked towards me, a big smile on his face.
When he came close enough, I could see that his eyes were sparkling with pleasure.
I smiled a bit too, as he grabbed my hands into his much bigger hands.
I slowly began moving my fingers over his', stroking them.
Caressing them.
He smiled, and moved his face towards mine.
Of course, even if our relationship was different than that of Oscar and a girl, he was still quick and willing.
I was not surprised.
Nor displeasured.
Slowly, I moved my face towards his, making him feel my breath on his mouth.

I could feel his breath in my face.
I had been so surprised when he had shown up.
I never even realized that there could be such happiness...
as how I felt then.
I was deliriously happy now! I couldn't think straight!
I quickly moved my lips from being close to his lips to his cheek, and kissed him there instead.
Smirking, knowing very well that I had pulled a prank on him,
I pulled back, wondering how he would look.
And I was happy to see that he was blushing and smiling.
His gentle, calm blue eyes sparkling.
Then, with his soft and thin fingers, he began caressing my cheek.
Not minding everyone else that was in the park.
True, also I had completely forgotten about them.
And I did not care either.
'I have loved you for so long, my beautiful Lumiale-sama...' I whispered, being swept away by the moment.
Lumiale looked a bit sad for a moment, as if he was remembering something.
But then, he smiled again, and kissed me on my lips.
And I eagerly kissed back.

(*** I'm already looking forward at writing the next part of the story! Hmm... some yaoi... yum yum! XD)

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