Disclaimer: I donít own Angelique, Hollywood Squares, any songs I happen to quote, the concept that Julious is a flaming caffeine addict, or any other pop culture device that I mention. If you donít know what Hollywood Square is, go look it up on the Internet. Also, Homsar is a character from homestarrunner.com. The best non-Angelique site ever.:D After this is all over, I beseech you to go there and experience the glory that is Homsar. (Go to any of the home pages and click on the 4 in 2004 at the bottom. And go to the characters page and click on the eject button on the VCR. Then click on the tape.)
Also, if you donít find this funny, donít worry. I donít either. I see it more as being extremely random then funny. Itís also based a little on Tabithaís "Luva Winger" fic. (Hence the censoring in some parts) Be warned that itís also in god awful script format. Which isnít a really good format to put a fanfic as it makes the writer look lazy. Therefore it is kind of shunned I think... Am I ranting again?
Oh, just so you know, I have nothing against shounen-ai or any of the people who write such stories. Please donít hurt me...
Hollywood Squares: Angelique Edition
The lights go up in Sound Studio B as one of the camera men finishes counting down the seconds to the start of taping. Lively theme music begins to play. Indicating that the name of the show: Hollywood Squares. As the packed audience applauds, the camera turns to a middle aged man at a podium whom I will not describe in detail since he has nothing to do with "Angelique".
Tom: Hello, Iím Tom Bergeron. And welcome to a special edition of Hollywood Squares. Or should I say, "Main Planet Squares" as weíre not even in Hollywood! *Laughs*
The sound stage goes silent. Someone in the audience coughs.
Tom: Uhh... Anyway, letís give a warm welcome to our panel of celebrities, the Guardians of the Cosmos!
The cameraman pans to a large scaffold resembling a tic-tac-toe grid. All of the guardians are in a square seated at a podium. Oscar, Olivie, and Lumiale are in the top row. Luva, Julious, and Clavis are in the middle. Marcel, Zephel, and Randy are at the bottom. All of the podiums have their respective guardianís name on them. Except for Marcelís, which reads "Marcel & Chupi". The audience applauds wildly.
Sei-Lan: *Stands up out of his seat in the audience and whistles* Woo! Go Randy!
Victor: *sweatdrop* I thought Charon was writing this.
Timka: She is.
Victor: Then why-
Charlie: *Comes by with a tray* Peanuts! Popcorn! Candy bars! Get them while they last! *Thinking* Who says you can only sell things at sporting events.
Mel: ! Ooo! Iíll take some peanuts!
Charlie: Great! *Hands him a bag* $20.00 American please.
Mel: Twenty dollars for a bag of peanuts?!
Charlie: Business has been slow lately. *shrugs* Basic economics.
Mel throws the bag of nuts at him. Charlie scoffs and walks away.
Tom: Now letís meet our contestants. For Xs, we have Angelique Limoges. For Os, we have ... Uhh, Angelique Collet!
The girls, who are seated on either side of Tom, smile and wave to the camera.
Collet: *Thinking* I am SO gonna kick her ass.
Limoges: *Thinking* Collet, Smollet. Iíll show her who the real Queen is.
Timka: ??? What happened to Rosalia and Rachel?
Sei-Lan: Who know? Who cares! RANDY!! *whistles*
Tom: Alright, now for our viewers at home, I shall explain how the game works. The game plays very similar to Tic-tac-toe, you either have to get Xs or Os either across, vertically, or diagonally. To fill in a square, you select a Guardian on your turn and Iíll ask them a question. You then have to choose whether theyíre telling the truth, or just making it up. If you choose correctly, you get the square.
Marcel: Lying is rude. I donít lie. ^^
Tom: Right, letís begin. Limoges, since youíre Xs, you get to pick first.
Limoges: Iíll take Julious please. ^_^ *thinking* Ha! The center square! The center square rules the whole board! If I get it, Iíll have this game all wrapped up!
The background of Juliousí square flashes. Julious messes with something under his podium, which makes a hissing noise. A second later he brings up a steaming white mug with the words "My Way or the Highway" written on it.
Julious: ! Good evening, Tom. How are you? *Tries to look cool while taking a generous sip from his mug.*
Oscar: Heís got an espresso maker under his podium. *Looks down and across to Julious.* Hey, think you could make me a cappuccino?
Julious: NO! ...Err, I donít have the stuff for it. *sip*
Tom: Hmm... Julious, what does your psychologist mean when he says youíre zemmiphobic?
Clavis: *Chuckles under his breath*
Julious: *Glares at Clavis* Wonderful question, Tom. I just happened to be recently reading a book on phobias...
Olivie: *Cough* Lie *Cough*
Olivieís section of the scaffold is draped in different colored silks.
Julious: *Looks up* Shut up *sip* That is the fear of the number 13.
Randy: I thought that was triskaidekaphobia.
Zephel: Shhh! You moron! Youíre not supposed to do that!
Sei-Lan: My Randy-sama is so smart. ^^
Victor: Are you sure Charonís not into shounen-ai?
Limoges: ...Uhh, I disagree.
Zephel: Nice going, Randy.
Tom: Correct, it is actually the fear of the giant mole rat. X gets the square.
The whole scaffold except Julious bursts in laughter as an X appears on his podium.
Olivie: Gahahahahaha... *Wipes tears from his eyes* Julious IS afraid of giant mole rats! Ga- *Falls off his chair laughing.*
Julious: ! *Looks up* NO ONEíS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT! HOW DID YOU-?!
Olivie: Uhh, hello? Dream Guardian. *Crawls back into his seat.* Plus, you shouldnít keep your dream diary lying open on an end table in the hallway of the Holy Palace that everyone passes through.
Julious: I assume you went around and showed everyone?
Olivie: You got it. :p
Julious: *sip* You just kissed your two weeks paid vacation to Fantasy Island goodbye. Anyone else want to test me?!
The whole scaffold goes silent.
Julious: Thatís what I thought. *Sip, sip*
Collet: Umm... Iíll take Oscar please.
Oscarís square flashes. All of the women in the audience scream as the Fire Guardian takes the opportunity to flex his muscles, much to their delight.
Julious: -_- Oscar, calm them down. *sip*
Oscar: Ladies, ladies, shhhhhhh...
Happy to demonstrate his power over even the most indifferent of fangirls, Oscar lowers his hand. All of the women immediately stop screaming.
Tom: Oscar, thereís an old saying on Earth. It goes: 'Men are from Mars. Women are from..." where?
Oscar: Olivieís homeworld. Thatís why heís the way he is.
The audience laughs. Olivie glares at Oscar.
Olivie: Hmm... so funny I forgot to laugh. *He begins to file his nails.*
Oscar: ...Anyway, it goes "Women are from Venus".
Collet: I agree.
Tom: Yes! "Women are from Venus"! Circle gets the square.
A circle appears on Oscarís podium. He then tries to throw in another joke.
Oscar: They should change that to women AND Olivie.
Limoges: *Thinking* Okay, she got Oscarís square. Thatís the ONLY one sheís going to get! *Outloud* Iíll take Lumiale please.
Lumiale: *Square flashes* ^^ Iím so glad I signed up for this. *Looks down at Clavis* I told you this would be fun, Clavis-sama.
Tom: Lumiale, what do experts say decreases in children as they get older?
Lumiale: Umm... hmm... *Looks nervous* Oh dear, this would be a lot easier if it was a question about music.
Oscar: *Looks over* Just make something up or guess.
Lumiale: Okay... Umm... The number of inborn reflexes?
Limoges: I disagree.
Tom: Actually, itís their self-esteem. X getís the square.
An X appears in Lumialeís podium.
Julious: That explains a lot... *Looks at Clavis* ...*Sip, sip, sip*
Luva: Julious-sama, your hand is twitching.
Julious: SILENCE! Err... Iím okay... *Sip*
Victor: He doesnít look good.
Sei-Lan: Why hasnít anyone called on Randy yet?! :í(
Collet: Iíll take Marcel & Chupi for the block. *Thinking* I canít let her win! She kicked me in the ankle during my coronation!
Marcel: *Square flashes* Yay! My turn! ^_^
Zephel: *Rolls his eyes* Watch him get a really easy question.
Tom: Marcel, if the world in "EverQuest" was a real country on Earth, as of July 2002, where would it rank in terms of GNP?
Zephel: @.@ What the *bleep*?! No one but a total nerd would know that!!
Mel: Hey, wait a second! The censors didnít bleep out Angelique Colletís thoughts earlier...
Victor: Charon got fined by the FCC for using the word *bleep*. Plus, she was thinking, we werenít suppose to hear it.
Mel: Weird... I didnít even know the FCC had control over the Internet.
Sei-Lan: *Is looking at him/Randy doujinshi* Raaaaaaaaaannnnnndddddyyyy...
Marcel: Umm... If I remember correctly, it would rank 77th in the world. Chupi plays "EverQuest" a lot. Heís a druid. ^-^
Zephel: How can a *bleep*ing bird play a massively multiplayer online role-playing game?!
Marcel: I have to help him sometimes with typing and moving the mouse.
Luva: Itís true. Chupi is a good player too. I tried gathering up some followers against him and he kicked my butt. Twice.
Zephel: -_-# Does anyone else here play MMORPGs?
Randy: I do! ^_^
Clavis: ... *Coughs*
Olivie: ... *Whistles and looks around* *Thinking* "EverQuest" sucks. "The Sims Online" Now thatís where itís at. :p
Collet: 0_o I disagree.
Tom: Actually, itís true. It would be in-between Russia and Bulgaria.
Zephel: -____- You guys are dorks.
Tom: Now usually we would automatically give Ms. Limoges the square. But since that would cause a win, she has to earn it on her own. Angelique?
Limoges: Marcel and Chupi for the win! *Thinking* Ha! Stupid Collet. I donít play MMORPGs and even I knew that.
Marcel: *Square flashes* See? I told you I donít lie.
Tom: Marcel, what is the scientific name for polyantha roses?
Luva: @_@ Wow... Even I donít know that.
Marcel: Oh! Thatís easy! Itís Rosa rehderana. ^_^ I am the Guardian of Green after all. :D
Zephel: 0_o Holy *bleep*!
Julious: ZEPHEL! WATCH YOUR MOUTH!! *Sip* DONíT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE!
Limoges: ...Iím going to agree only because it sounds right.
Tom: Thatís correct! X wins the round!
Music begins to play as Marcelís, Juliousí, and Lumialeís squares flash and reset. All of the Guardians and most of the audience members simultaneously fall out of their chairs in surprise at Marcelís intelligence. Somewhere in the audience, Charlie drops his tray of snack foods and stares dumbfounded at the stage.
Limoges: *Smiles smugly at Collet* *Thinking* Ha! In your face, bitch!
Tom: Alright, in our next round, one of the squares will be a "secret square". If you pick that square and guess correctly, you will win this:
Ernstís voice booms over the intercom.
Ernst: A trip to beautiful Magi! Thatís right, Magi. This scenic world was recently almost blown to Hell by a floating continent. But donít let that stop you from having a good time! Visit the beaches of Albrook, take a tour through the caves of Narshe, or visit the historic opera house near Jidoor. Those of you who enjoy history will also love visiting the ruins of Vector and Kefkaís Tower! Magi: The land that Final Fantasy fans forgot! Accommodations and trip provided by Cross Game Promotions. Tom?
Tom: Thank you, Ernst. Now letís show everyone at home who the secret square is.
A picture of Clavis, who at the present is dusting his crystal ball, appears on the little TV screens in front of the audience.
Sei-Lan: Randy would make a better secret square. -___-
Timka: I didnít know Ernst was the announcer.
Ernst: I have to be. Charon felt she needed to stick me in somewhere. She thinks itíll make up for Arios not being in here.
Random fangirl: Yeah, right!
Mel: Who is this Charon person anyway?
Tom: Alright Collet, you may start off this round.
Collet: Luva please. *Thinking* Okay, time for Plan B. Go for a 5 square win. *Smirks, still thinking* With my foolproof strategy, thereís no way Goldilocks will win again!
Luva: Yes, Tom?
Tom: Luva, what classic Earth novel begins with the line "Call me Ishmael"?
Luva: Thatís easy. "Moby Dick"
A few people snicker.
Julious: Quit being so immature! *Drops his mug off the scaffold. It nearly misses Zephel.*
Zephel: Hey! Watch it up there!
Julious: Ahh! *bleep* *bleep*it. Need more espresso.
Collet: I agree.
Tom: "Moby Dick". Circle gets the square. And can someone get a janitor out here to clean that coffee mess up?
Julious: Itís espresso you dip*bleep*. *Makes another mug. This one is white with "#1 Guardian" written on it.* Ahh... *sip* My precious...
Limoges: Iím a little scared to say this, but Julious please.
Julious looks around nervously as his square flashes. He clutches his mug of espresso protectively.
Julious: 0_0 My espresso! My precious!
Luva: Umm... Julious-sama, I hate to intrude but... I think you need help.
Julious: Help? HELP?! I donít need no stinking help. *Sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*
Oscar: Yes, you do Julious-sama. Look at you! You look like a crack addict!
The other Guardians murmur their approval.
Julious: SILENCE! *Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*
Tom: ...Security! Get this man out of here!
Two huge security guards come and drag Julious off of the stage.
Julious: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- *Sip*-OOOOOOOOOOOO!
Silence falls on the sound stage.
Lumiale: Oh dear, now we have no center square.
Olivie: I know who can substitute for us.
The sparkly drag queen pulls out a cell phone, flips it open, and speed dials a number.
Olivie: Charon-sama? Julious got carried off and we ne- Oh, you already know?
Marcel: *To Zephel and Randy* Who is he talking to?
Zephel: Hell, Iíd know.
Sei-Lan: Randy-sama! Marry me! Iíll even hit George Bush on the head repeatedly with a dull hammer until he makes it legal in all 50 states!
Victor: -_-; Alright, now youíre starting to get annoying. *Thinking* We arenít even in the United States...
Charlie walks over with his tray.
Charlie: I have some sedatives you can give him. $70 Canadian.
Suddenly, a light appears around the green haired merchant. He disappears in a bright flash of the said light and reappears in Juliousí seat. the name on the podium changes to Charlie.
Olivie: Thanks. Oh, and one more thing...
Olivie starts to purr into the phone. Loud giggling can be heard through the phone. Half of the people present get chills and are immediately turned on. The other half recoils in horror at the thoughts that pop into their heads. Olivie closes his phone and waves down at Charlie.
Charlie: *Looks up and waves back* Umm, what am I doing here?
Olivie: Answering questions until "she" lets us go.
Charlie: @.@ Oh...
Tom: Can we move along now? Ms. Limoges, I assume you want to pick Charlie.
Sei-Lan: Randy wouldíve made a better center square... :( *Huffs*
Charlie: *Square flashes* *Thinking* I wonder how much Iím getting paid for this.
Tom: Charlie, who first came up with the concept of communism?
Charlie: Julious. He hates me. Always confiscating my wares... -_-#
Olivie: No Charlie. He means who came up with it on Earth.
Charlie: ! Geez! I donít know! Ozzy Osbourne or someone like that!
Marcel: Zephel told me Ozzy Osbourne was a-
Zephel runs out off his square and into Marcelís and covers his mouth.
Zephel: Shhh! You idiot! Donít give it away!
Marcel pulls his hand away.
Marcel: But you told me he was a horrible singer who eats birds! *Hugs Chupi* Poor birdies... *Sniff*
Zephel: *Slaps his forehead* For the love of the Queen...
Timka: I ate a bird once...
Victor: None of us needed to know that, Timka.
Limoges: I disagree.
Tom: Karl Marx came up with the concept of communism. X gets the square.
Two more turns go by resulting in Collet earning Oscarís Lumialeís squares and Limoges earning Marcelís square. I donít wish to go into detail with those turns because I donít want to drag this story on any longer then it has to be while still giving all of the Guardians a chance in the spotlight.
Limoges: Olivie for the block please.
Olivie, who had fallen asleep over the last three turns due into the lack of action, suddenly zonks back into reality.
Olivie: Huh? Oh, my turn? *Wipes the drool off of his face.* Iím ready! What may the fabulous Olivie-sama help you with? ^-^ *sparkles*
Tom: Olivie, what is your last name?
Olivie: 0.o My last name? None of us know our last names! Well, except Charlie and Luva. But that crazy fangirl Tabitha gave Luva his.
Luva: I kind of like it. Luva Winger... Itís nice. ^_^
Lumiale: Do we even have last names?
Oscar: I donít think so.
Olivie: Well, Charon likes to think that my last name is Lafond. *Everyone stares at him* She thinks I look French. *shrugs*
Oscar: How appropriate. He dresses like a French whore and has a last name to match.
Olivie: @_@# WHAT?!
With a loud battle cry, Olivie charges into Oscarís square and proceeds to beat the living *bleep* out of him. The audience and other Guardians watch as the Guardian of Beauty-bringing Dream shows off his amazing upper body strength. While Oscar tries to fight back and regrets the fact that the studio doesnít allow weapons (like his sword) in the building. After a while of plumes of cartoony fighting smoke and red and pink blurs going at it, Olivie emerges and walks back to his square, blowing on his nails. While Oscar lays on his podium, bloodied and bruised.
Olivie: *Smirks* I knew there was an underlying reason for you carrying that sword around. *Gets out a can of hair spray and a comb and teases his hair.*
Oscar: Grr... It doesnít matter how big it is. The only thing that matters is how you use it. Have you used yours lately? *Chuckles weakly*
Olivie: Doesnít matter. Mineís bigger then yours. *Raspberry*
Marcel: Iím glad Iím down here. Itís safe here.
Tom: Do you have an answer, Olivie?
Olivie: What? Oh, Iíll just go with Lafond. But besides that, I donít think I have an official last name.
Limoges: I... agree?
Tom: *shrugs* Whatever, weíll go with that. X gets the square.
Collet: Hey! Thatís not fair!
Tom: Tough *bleep*
Sei-Lan: Aww... ;_; Sheís going to call on Zephel. Randyís never going to get a chance to talk.
Collet: Iíll take Clavis please.
Limoges: *Thinking* Ha! Dumb broad! She couldíve blocked me! Haha! Victory is mine!
A loud siren sounds, waking everyone who had not woken up from the fight between Olivie and Oscar. Clavisí square flashes wildly. Clavis looks at the background, clearly annoyed.
Clavis: ...That... is the most annoying thing in the world.
Tom: Alright Ms. Collet. If you get this question right, youíll win that trip to Magi. Clavis, what Japanese director is known for movies such as "Kikiís Delivery Service", "Princess Mononoke", and "Spirited Away"?
Clavis: *Blinks* ... Tezuka Osamu.
Timka: Whoís that?
Victor: Some Japanese guy.
Mel: Thatís not the right answer...
Sei-Lan: You think Randy could direct a Japanese anime? He could base it on our relationship and call it "Tutor of the Wind." Yeah... *Smiles dreamily*
Collet: I disagree.
Tom: Hayao Miyazaki. Circle gets the square and the trip!
The audience cheers as Collet goes nuts over the fact that she won the trip.
Collet: ^o^ Yay! I won! I won! I won! *Jumps up and down*
Limoges: Quiet, you dumb *bleep*. Youíre still behind in the points.
Collet: Shut up! At least Iíll be relaxing on the beach in Albrook.:p
Limoges: Oh yeah! Well... Iíll take Randy for the block! Ha! If I get this right, Iíll win no matter what you do.
Collet: I can still block you...
Suddenly, a loud victorious cry rings throughout the room as Randyís square flashes. Sei-Lan begins to go berserk, jumping up and down on top of his seat, whistling and hooting like a crazed sports fan.
Sei-Lan: RANDY! I LOVE YOU RANDY! MARRY ME! MAKE ME YOUR LOVE SLAVE! YOUR *bleep*! YOUR LITTLE LOVE MONKEY!! *Holds up a sign that says all of these things* WOOOO! *bleep* ME, RANDY! *bleep* MEEEEEEEE!
Victor: @.@ Hold him down!
Victor, Timka, and Mel all grab the blue haired tutor and pull him down. Mel pulls out a coil of thick rope from out of nowhere and the three begin to tie Sei-Lan to his chair. Timka then pulls out a wad of tissues and stuffs it into Sei-Lanís mouth, silencing him. They return to their seats, looking quite embarrassed while Sei-Lan begins an attempt to break free.
Clavis: *Raises an eyebrow* ...
Marcel: *shivers* Everyoneís yelling... *Hugs Chupi*
Randy: *Blushes* Umm... heheh... *Sinks into his chair*
Tom, clearly becoming distressed by all of the interruptions, wipes the sweat off of his forehead with his sleeve.
Tom: *Sighs* Randy, in Poland, it is called-
Zephel: You know what? I am sick and *bleep*ing tired of this
All night long Iíve had to listen to these *bleep*ing pricks and watch every *bleep* *bleep*ed person in this *bleep*ing Hell hole lose their *bleep*ing minds! This isnít a game show, itís a *bleep*ing three ringed circus! Complete with eight *bleep*ing clowns!
Olivie: Hey! >:(
Zephel: I didnít even want to *bleep*ing do this *bleep* in the first place! Iím out of here!
As Zephel gets up to leave, however, a mysterious wind comes out of nowhere and blows him back into his place on the scaffold.
Zephel: @.@? What the *bleep*?!
Disembodied Female Voice: Get back there! Youíre not done yet!
Olivie: ! Itís Charon-sama! *Bows*
Disembodied Female Voice: Clavis...
Clavis: Grrr... Fine... *Bows*
Olivie: Sheís the author of this fanfic. I called her to ask her to replace Julious with Charlie. *Cowers* Donít piss her off. Iím already her slave. *Cries* She branded me!
Olivie turns around and pulls up his skirt, revealing his thong and nice round *bleep*. Those who can stand being mooned by the drag queen see the symbol of the planet Pluto along with the symbol for the moon burned into his bum.
Charlie: ! Hey wait! She did it to me too! Why is it she lets you use a cell phone?!
Olivie: *Covers his backside* Because Iím her favorite. *Raspberry*
Charon: Did I say you could talk Olivie?
Olivie: ! No, Mistress...
Charon: Good, now be quiet or I'll take away your cell phone privileges.
Suddenly, Sei-Lan breaks free from the rope and rushes the stage as Victor, Mel, and Timka try to grab him. The lovesick tutor runs to Randy and jumps on him, knocking him over. Marcel and Zephel watch in horror as Sei-Lan begins to dry hump the Wind Guardian.
Marcel: @___@! The horror! *Covers his eyes* Why is everyone going crazy?!
Zephel: !! Ahhh! What the *bleep*?! Go do that somewhere else you *bleep*ing freaks!!
Suddenly, a girl with short brown hair and green eyes runs onto the stage. She climbs the scaffold, completely ignoring the stairs on the side of it. Eventually, she reaches Oscarís square, grabs him, slugs him over her shoulders, and runs off.
Girl: Kahahahahahaha! MINE! *Runs off with Oscar*
Oscar: @_@! Help! Crazed fangirl!
The girl and Oscar escape as the security guards chase after them.
Charon: Queenie! *bleep*it come back here! I need him to finish! *Sighs* Forget it...
Luva: Who was that?
Charon: My friend Queenie Z. I got her addicted to "Angelique" a while ago and now sheís crazy for Oscar and Marcel.
Marcel: ;_; *Whimpers*
Charon: Uhh... now I have to come up with a substitute for Oscar. I canít use Arios. I shipped him off to a lab in Australia so they can examine his eyes. Hmm... Oh! I know! Hope I donít get busted for copyright infringement for this...
A bright light flashes in Oscarís square. As it clears, it reveals a truly strange sight. Standing on Oscarís chair is a short, strange, white creature with no arms, a large lower jaw, and beady little black eyes. Heís wearing large, comical shoes and a blue sleeveless shirt with the word "Homsar" written across it in big, white letters. On his head is a little yellow bowler derby hat.
Clavis: What the-?
Homsar: *Southern drawl* Daaaaaaaaaaah! Iím the ori-gin-al lad-ies man!!
Oscar: No, youíre not! I am! ....Ahh! Put that away! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Victor: ... *Bleep* this! Iím leaving!
He leaves. Mel and Timka follow him.
Olivie: *Edges toward Homsar* Luva, do you know what this thing is?
Luva: *Looks up* No clue...
Homsar: *Looks at Olivie* Coo-coo-cachoooooo Ms. Scarlet! Always bringing your best foot flowered!
Olivie: 0_o Ms. Scarlet?
Charlie walks up the stairs to Oscarís square to get a better look at Homsar.
Charlie: I wonder how much this thing will go for on the Black Market.
Homsar: *Looks at Charlie* Iíve attempted to follow the Moss on the North Siiiiiiiide! Pshooooooooooooo...
Tom: *Throws his cards down* Iím out of here! They donít pay me enough for this *bleep* anyway! *He leaves*
Collet: Wait! What about my trip?! *Follows him*
Limoges: >:( Come back here and fight me you brunette *bleep*!! *Runs after them*
Lumiale: ... I guess I should leave too. I didnít get much screen time in this fanfic anyway. Címon, Clavis.
He and Clavis leave.
Luva: I think Iíll go too. *Follows them*
Zephel: -_- This is so *bleep*ed up.
Homsar: Daaaaaaaaaaaaah! Kagatooooo, try using your Moon Prism Poooooooower!!
Marcel: ;_; *Hugs Chupi and rocks back and forth in his seat.* Find a happy place... Find a happy place... Find a happy place...
Queenie runs back and jumps into Marcelís square.
Queenie: I just realized I need two guys to play "Dukes of Hazzard"! *Grabs Marcel and runs off with him.*
Marcel: *Cries* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CHUPIIIIIIIIII! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!
Homsar: Daaaaaaah! Mrs. Ro-bin-son just stole Peppermint Patty!
Charlie: What the hell is this thing saying?
Olivie: *Shakes head*
Chupi flies up and lands on Homsarís bowler derby.
Homsar: ! The Budgie Bird! It came from soooooouthern Alabamaaaaaaaaaa.
Suddenly, the whole scaffold shakes. The weight of Chupi was just enough to push the combined weight of everyone on the top over the maximum holding weight of the scaffold by a few ounces. The whole scaffold collapses on itself. The rest of the audience members left the sound stage in a fit of terror. Surprisingly, however, everyone on the scaffold lives. Sei-Lan is still trying to have dirty animal sex with Randy, Zephel is still pissed off, and Homsar still makes no sense.
Homsar: Wowweeee! That was the real Priiiiiiide of the Peachessssssssss!
Olivie: *Coughs* Ughhh... Hey, whatís that?
Olivie points to the side of the stage. Sitting on it is a cute, red sports car.
Charlie: Hmm, I guess that was going to be the prize for the lightning round at the end.
Charlie and Olivie walk over to the car and examine it.
Charlie: Hey Olivie-sama, look!
Charlie reaches in near the steering wheel and jingles something. There is a set of keys in the ignition switch. Olivie and Charlie look at each other for a moment. And then...
Olivie: *Smirk* Iím thinking Vegas.
Charlie: But weíre not on Earth!
Olivie: Donít worry about it!
Olivie jumps into the driverís seat of the car. Charlie quickly follows him by jumping into the passenger seat.
Charlie: Hit it, Olivie-sama!
Olivie turns the keys. The car starts with a purr and the radio turns on, playing a poppy dance tune. The two dance a little to it while snapping their fingers. Then Olivie grabs onto the keys again.
Charlie: Hey! Umm... Homsar... You want to come with us?
Homsar: *Jumps into the back seat* Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Turn on the telly to the BBC!
Olivie puts the car into drive and backs up so that they have a clear shot at the exit across from them. He stomps on the accelerator with his heel and drives the car through the thin plywood wall, onto the studio lot, and into the sunset. The two security guards run after them.
Olivie and Charlie went on to learn that Homsar held the key to breaking the bank in Las Vegas. Allowing them to buy the whole town and turn it into a resort. (In the words of Homsar, they conducted "legitimate business".) Julious went into rehab for his caffeine addiction, but broke out weeks later by knawing the bars on the front gate. Queenie Z got to play "Dukes of Hazzard" with Oscar and Marcel. She had a lot of fun. Sei-Lan and Randy eventually had a child together. They named the boy Heuye and he became the Guardian of Wind after Randy. Zephel vowed he would never participate in a game show ever again.
And so, everyone, for the most part, lived happily ever after.
Authorís Notes: By now, if you think that I was trying to capture the guysí real personality, you are an idiot.:p I would also like to take this opportunity to explain a few things:
For those of you who donít live in the US, the FCC is the Federal Communications Commission. Theyíre the morons who regulate TV and radio over here. Recently, theyíve started this ridiculous censoring compaign. Hence, the joke.
Youíre not supposed to understand what Homsar says.
Yes, Olivie is my personal bishounen/slave. No matter what those Keeperís Lists over at chuu-chuu.net say. :p
Magi is the overworld in "Final Fantasy 6". (Which is better then 7. You canít say 7 is the best FF until youíve played 6.) Actually, the overworld itself doesnít have a name. I just call it that.
No, I donít think Ozzy Osbourne is a horrible singer. I love his songs. Especially "Shot in the Dark".
Tezuka Osamu is the creator of "Astro Boy". Just so you know.
I would like to thank my friend Queenie Z for suggestions of some of the things Homsar says and for giving me an excuse to put him in there in the first place. :D Now go read "Translucent Winged Angel". It's much better then this fanfic.
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